Unfulfilled Expectations

I wrote a post with the same title but I ended up using that post to write a talk. I know a lot of what I say in here didn't come from me it came from the spirit. I'm reposting this and sharing this because I know there is someone out there that needs to hear this. Life is hard but it is a precious and wonderful thing. We came to this Earth for a purpose and it is to help us become the Glorious beings we are meant to be. 

I have thought long and hard about the prayers that go unanswered or the we answers recieve that we really don’t want to hear. Some of these lead to unfulfilled expectations that we have for our lives. Sometimes these unfulfilled expectations or I guess you could say unanswered prayers or the answers we don’t want are some of the greatest blessings of our lives.

 We all have unfulfilled expectations but what do they do for us? To start off, what is an expectation? According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary an expectation is a belief that something will happen or is likely to happen or a feeling or belief about how successful, good someone or something will be. And the definition for unfulfilled is not carried out or brought to completion. So an unfulfilled expectation is something that we hope or we desire to happen that doesn’t happen.  I can list a number stories in the scriptures where expectations were high but did not happen the way people wanted them to.  I’m sure Nephi (Nephi 5 in the Book of Mormon) was hoping he could get the plates in one visit instead of multiple, Abraham and Sarah probably expected to have a lot more children and probably expected to have a child at a much younger age and of course I’m sure our pioneer ancestors (Mormon pioneer history) had expected things to be all as well much sooner than it was.

Because of our expectations, hopes, dreams, and goals we make plans so those things can become reality. There are a variety of different plans we can make in this life. Plans parents make for their children, plans for college, plans for a career, plans for marriage, plans for a family, or even a plan for a wonderful family dinner. But like the old saying goes things don’t always go according to plan. I remember a Stake president getting up in my ward sacrament meeting and making the following remark “Man makes plans; then God smiles”. At first I was confused by the thought. But now I know Heavenly Father knows us far better than we do ourselves. He knows what we need. And He knows what experiences we need most to become who He knows we can become.

There are a lot of things I have expected to happen in my life. First I expected to finish my degree at BYU-Idaho this next year and second I’ve expected my health to be relatively good since I’m at the prime of my life. If you asked me at the beginning of this year where I hoped to be by the end of the year I would have told you still living in Rexburg finishing up my third to last semester. Living happily and healthy. I wasn’t thinking about living in Pocatello until the last few weeks of spring semester at BYU-Idaho.  And of course I never thought I would move here to the Cache Valley area as soon as I did.

My latest semester at BYU-I I encountered some physical and mental health challenges. I experienced chronic pain everyday that doctors couldn’t seem to explain why. I couldn’t seem to control my anxiety. Getting up in the morning was hard, my body hurt so much that it would have just been easier to stay in bed all day.  I would cry when I looked in the mirror because I wasn’t myself anymore. This new pain was not what I wanted. All I could manage say to myself everyday was everything was going to be alright even though I was starting to question if I really was going to be okay. It was really challenging when I had to tell my mom, who called crying because she couldn’t take the pain away or be with me, that everything would be okay on a day that I didn’t really believe it. I was struggling in a class and as well as with my roommates. I started going home as often as I could to escape my life in Rexburg.  I prayed for strengthen everyday and sometimes I would pray asking why. Why me? What did I do to deserve this challenge that was causing problems in other aspects of my life. I thought I was good a person, doing the things I needed to, and I knew he could take away my pain but he didn’t.  Why was I the one that had to have this happening in my life? I wanted more than anything to be myself again and I didn’t want to have to deal with these struggles. But strangely enough, like all trails, I needed to learn something and readjust my sails, even if it took me a good long while to realize it.

Like us, God has expectations too but they are a lot higher and grander than what you or I have set for each of ourselves. He sees the grand scheme of things; He knows how all of this will finish. He knows we are capable of so much more than we can comprehend. He knows of future callings and opportunities we need to be prepared for. He knows in order to help us He can’t always give us what we want. Which leads to the next part of my story.

I remember a day in particular when I was struggling more than usual and I pulled up Facebook to see one of my old roommates had posted a Mormon Message on her  facebook wall. It was the one by Elder D. Todd Christofferson entitled, The Will of God. And I would like to share the story he tells in this Mormon Message.

“President Hugh B. Brown, formerly a member of the Twelve and a counselor in the First Presidency, provided a personal experience. He told of purchasing a rundown farm in Canada many years ago. As he went about cleaning up and repairing his property, he came across a currant bush that had grown over six feet (1.8 m) high and was yielding no berries, so he pruned it back drastically, leaving only small stumps. Then he saw a drop like a tear on the top of each of these little stumps, as if the currant bush were crying, and thought he heard it say:

“How could you do this to me? I was making such wonderful growth. … And now you have cut me down. Every plant in the garden will look down on me. … How could you do this to me? I thought you were the gardener here.”

President Brown replied, “Look, little currant bush, I am the gardener here, and I know what I want you to be. I didn’t intend you to be a fruit tree or a shade tree. I want you to be a currant bush, and someday, little currant bush, when you are laden with fruit, you are going to say, ‘Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for loving me enough to cut me down.’”

Years later, President Brown was a field officer in the Canadian Army serving in England. When a superior officer became a battle casualty, President Brown was in line to be promoted to general, and he was summoned to London. But even though he was fully qualified for the promotion, it was denied him because he was a Mormon. The commanding general said in essence, “You deserve the appointment, but I cannot give it to you.” What President Brown had spent 10 years hoping, praying, and preparing for slipped through his fingers in that moment because of blatant discrimination. Continuing his story, President Brown remembered:

“I got on the train and started back … with a broken heart, with bitterness in my soul. … When I got to my tent, … I threw my cap on the cot. I clenched my fists, and I shook them at heaven. I said, ‘How could you do this to me, God? I have done everything I could do to measure up. There is nothing that I could have done—that I should have done—that I haven’t done. How could you do this to me?’ I was as bitter as gall.

“And then I heard a voice, and I recognized the tone of this voice. It was my own voice, and the voice said, ‘I am the gardener here. I know what I want you to do.’ The bitterness went out of my soul, and I fell on my knees by the cot to ask forgiveness for my ungratefulness. …

“… And now, almost 50 years later, I look up to [God] and say, ‘Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for cutting me down, for loving me enough to hurt me.’”

God knew what Hugh B. Brown was to become and what was needed for that to happen, and He redirected his course to prepare him for the holy apostleship.”

So I sit there crying at the video, because I know God won’t give me exactly what I want and I have a choice to make of two possibilities. I could just throw my fists in the air and curse God because he hasn’t answered my prayers exactly the way I wanted them? Or do I humbly pray and ask for forgiveness for my selfishness and thank God that he loves me enough to allow me to go through something hard to become better than I was.  I’m not going to lie it took quite some time come around to the latter.  I continued to struggle for a while longer but slowly things got better.  I’m still unsure of what Heavenly Father wants me to be and do but I’m following his guidance in hope and faith. But I’m grateful for where he has me now. I can gladly and proudly say I survived, I’m healthier than I’ve ever been and I’m certainly happier.

There will always be expectations that we want to be met but when they become our unfulfilled expectations it’s not the end of the world. You may fail a class that you thought you were going to be great at, things may not work out with that guy or girl you think is perfect for you, or you don’t get the job you were really hoping for, you could be facing challenges of infertility, infidelity, financial needs or multiple of other things you can up with at the top of your head. It doesn’t mean God doesn’t love you.  It is because God loves you that he doesn’t always give you things you desire right away or even ever.  God is trimming you and helping you become the currant bush he needs you to be. There is something far more spectacular than anything you can actually imagine. Just because something bad happens does not mean you are a bad person or God doesn’t love you. God loves you so much to allow bad things to happen to you to help you grow.

We can’t stop having faith in our Heavenly Father. We can’t stop praying. We can’t stop believing. We can’t stop dreaming. Doctrine & Covenants 90:24 states “pray always, and be believing.” If we don’t do those things, God won’t be able help us the way we need to be help. Elder Holland once said,” God is eagerly waiting for the chance to answer your prayers and fulfill your dreams, just as he always has. But he can’t if you don’t pray, and he can’t if you don’t dream. In short, he can’t if you don’t believe.” Heavenly Father will answer our prayers in one way or another, like I have said before not always in the way we want but he does answer them. He knows better than we what we really need and want in the long run.

Everything is going to be okay if we follow our faith and do what we need to do.  Remember the words from Ether 12:4 “Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God.” Make the choice to be happy and okay with your situation, no matter how hard it is. Its worth it. I've had some dark moments and thought I could never come out of them but by the grace of the Savior I was able to make the choice to be okay with my situation. Life seemed to get better once I made that decision. Things got better when my attitude got better. Now is definitely not the time to quit.  Again I turn to Elder Holland, his words have been a source of strength to me when everything seems to be going. I quote,” Don’t give up. Don’t you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead-a lot of it. You keep your chin up. It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come.” God doesn’t quit on us and we shouldn’t quit on ourselves either.

God has a plan for each of us. And he knows how to provide and speak to us perfectly. Sometimes that comes from our unfulfilled expectations. It may not be what we have in our own mind but it’s the best for us. God loves us so much He wants to help us become the paramount beings we can be. Be happy you’re alive and a child of God because that’s a pretty remarkable thing when you think about it! Let us remember the words from Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin,”We see ourselves in terms of yesterday and today. Our Heavenly Father sees us in terms of forever. Although we might settle for less, Heavenly Father won’t, for he sees us as the glorious beings we are capable of becoming.”

Happiness won’t come right away but it will come as we strive to go where our Father in Heaven wants us to, be what He wants us to be, and seek after the Gospel of His only Begotten Son. We have the atonement to make things right again. The blessings will always come because we all matter.