In a recent turn of events my parents are letting me use the
camry while I’m at school. It has been the greatest blessing for me and for
some of my roommates. The timing of being help to have car was quite
remarkable. I was able to make it home even though it seemed impossible that I would make it a specific
weekend. Then fast forward to Wednesday when I’m back in Rexburg go to the
doctor and have a terrible reaction again to a numbing agent that had
epinephrine. Basically I feel okay after I’ve been given it and then it’s the
following day when it feels like a bomb has exploded in my body. My head is
throbbing, my arms hurt, I feel dizzy and feel short of breath. I just want to
sleep rather than feel everything, I want to cry because I shouldn’t feel this
way. Research from when this first happened, by my mother, found that I
shouldn’t have anything with epinephrine. Epinephrine is adrenaline and because
of my thyroid problem my body has a hard time getting rid of it. It makes me
feel sick and ready to pass out every time I stand up. I’m in constant pain.
When this was happening again, my mother was furious. There
is no stopping her when one of her babies is hurt or in pain. She talked to the
doctor for me because I was super upset and wasn’t feeling well. My mom is
incredible, she does hard things for me. Finally she calls after trying to get
me a different doctor to help me in Rexburg, starts to cry on the phone with
me, and I say I’m coming home so I can go to family doctor.
Nothing can replace family. Even though home isn’t really
home for me any more, I always feel like I am at home with my family. They love
me and are going to take care of me no matter what. Roommates are great and FHE
family is great but its not really in their job description to take care of you
or be worried about you. Haley and Kelcie, my roommates, have been great making
sure I have everything and that I’m as comfortable as I can be. But family is
different. As soon as I got home I was relieved. I was in a home that had the
priesthood and the spirit present. I had people there who loved me. My siblings
cheered me up right away by watching Goats who scream like humans. I could set aside my frustrations that I was
having awhile I was at work. You try so hard to feel like everything is fine
but you aren’t, you just want someone to look at you, hug you, and say I know
you aren’t alright let me help you, let me make you feel better, let me hold
you while you cry. That’s what family is for. Family is there to help you
reassemble yourself from falling apart. Family is there to love you when you
want to hate yourself. Family is there to remind you that Heavenly Father never
intended for you to be alone on this earthly journey. Family will always be important to me because
when I look at them I see home.
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