As much as my blog is a journal for me, it doesn't show all my feelings. And boy do I have a lot of them. I have shared some of my hardships and I've also shared the good and happy things in my life. I've lately been opting out with the blogosphere lately unless I feel really inspired or feel prompted to share something because someone needs to here it.
I've been writing in my actual journal (paper & pen) a lot lately. I guess I feel its important to write about the good, the bad, and the ugly at this point in my life. I feel like its important to remember these things. I wish I had been this consistent since I started college so I can see the progress I have made. Honestly we don't realize how far we are up the mountain until we look down to see we have gone up and down but we are still making progress.
Today I was particularly impressed with what I wrote but I'm sure it wasn't me that wrote it. I'm sure it was the Spirit who guided me so I can look back and read it, have an added comfort and peace in the future.
Normally I wouldn't share what I'm about to share but like I said I do it because I know some one else needs to know that there is hope even when everything is going wrong. When you have the cards stacked against you, God still loves you and provides positives in your life.
"I am not going to retreat from a good thing. I am strong, independent, beautiful, loving, kind, enough, and worthy to be loved. I need to start acting like it, even if I have a hard time believing it. I need to stop hiding behind my anxiety, it has become my default. I am infinitely more than my anxiety. I will still have bad days, but there will be good in those days. I need to accept the things going on in my life and face them head on and not be discouraged. I need to ask, 'Why not me?' instead of 'Why me' I need to be strong and confident. Go after what I want. Stand up for myself, let people know of my expectations and then make adjustments. Ask for the things that I want and know I deserve. I need to stop second guessing myself because others don't agree with what I am doing."
We all have insecurities and self anxiety and guess what that is fine. It just means you're human and normal, you have a soul, and you genuinely care. You have desires to be accepted and to impress others. But something I've come to realize (after a long struggle, help from others, doing a lot of reading and research, and finding inspiration) in the grand scheme of things we are all worthy of love and love will find us. We have to believe things will get better and just love people and stop deciding whether or not they are worthy of our love. I think even of ourselves, we are worthy of our own self love. Never question that love (sadly its something I do a lot). I realize in a lot of ways I have set myself back when it comes to relationships and friendships, I accept the fact that I'm the problem because of my anxiety and lack of patience. I question if I am worthy and just psych myself out. We accept the love we think we deserve. And sometimes we don't actually accept what we deserve because we don't think we are enough and then we self sabotage ourselves. We assume, we get jealous, we act irrationally, and then we hurt the ones we love.
I won't be cured in one day just like any type of change is cured in one day; it takes time. And thats where the Godly Attribute, patience comes into play. And boy am I extremely terrible at it, it never was my strong suit but at least I'm getting a hang of it, slowly but surely. And thankfully it is because of people who believe in me, help me in unexpected ways that have helped me. And I hope they continue to give me chances and give me opportunities to show that I can do amazing things.
All we can do is expect the best of ourselves and just love others. Leave them better off than when we find them, and just keep working to be better. We may accept the love we think we deserve but we also accept the limitations we put in front of ourselves. One of my favorite actresses/heroes, the great and wonderful Audrey Hepburn, said "Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'" We are all capable of anything.
Things will get better because we believe they will. Just because something as always been a certain way does not mean it always has to be. Hope, Love, Live.
And like one of my best friends told me," Don't be sorry. Just be happy."
I've been writing in my actual journal (paper & pen) a lot lately. I guess I feel its important to write about the good, the bad, and the ugly at this point in my life. I feel like its important to remember these things. I wish I had been this consistent since I started college so I can see the progress I have made. Honestly we don't realize how far we are up the mountain until we look down to see we have gone up and down but we are still making progress.
Today I was particularly impressed with what I wrote but I'm sure it wasn't me that wrote it. I'm sure it was the Spirit who guided me so I can look back and read it, have an added comfort and peace in the future.
Normally I wouldn't share what I'm about to share but like I said I do it because I know some one else needs to know that there is hope even when everything is going wrong. When you have the cards stacked against you, God still loves you and provides positives in your life.
"I am not going to retreat from a good thing. I am strong, independent, beautiful, loving, kind, enough, and worthy to be loved. I need to start acting like it, even if I have a hard time believing it. I need to stop hiding behind my anxiety, it has become my default. I am infinitely more than my anxiety. I will still have bad days, but there will be good in those days. I need to accept the things going on in my life and face them head on and not be discouraged. I need to ask, 'Why not me?' instead of 'Why me' I need to be strong and confident. Go after what I want. Stand up for myself, let people know of my expectations and then make adjustments. Ask for the things that I want and know I deserve. I need to stop second guessing myself because others don't agree with what I am doing."
We all have insecurities and self anxiety and guess what that is fine. It just means you're human and normal, you have a soul, and you genuinely care. You have desires to be accepted and to impress others. But something I've come to realize (after a long struggle, help from others, doing a lot of reading and research, and finding inspiration) in the grand scheme of things we are all worthy of love and love will find us. We have to believe things will get better and just love people and stop deciding whether or not they are worthy of our love. I think even of ourselves, we are worthy of our own self love. Never question that love (sadly its something I do a lot). I realize in a lot of ways I have set myself back when it comes to relationships and friendships, I accept the fact that I'm the problem because of my anxiety and lack of patience. I question if I am worthy and just psych myself out. We accept the love we think we deserve. And sometimes we don't actually accept what we deserve because we don't think we are enough and then we self sabotage ourselves. We assume, we get jealous, we act irrationally, and then we hurt the ones we love.
I won't be cured in one day just like any type of change is cured in one day; it takes time. And thats where the Godly Attribute, patience comes into play. And boy am I extremely terrible at it, it never was my strong suit but at least I'm getting a hang of it, slowly but surely. And thankfully it is because of people who believe in me, help me in unexpected ways that have helped me. And I hope they continue to give me chances and give me opportunities to show that I can do amazing things.
All we can do is expect the best of ourselves and just love others. Leave them better off than when we find them, and just keep working to be better. We may accept the love we think we deserve but we also accept the limitations we put in front of ourselves. One of my favorite actresses/heroes, the great and wonderful Audrey Hepburn, said "Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'" We are all capable of anything.
Things will get better because we believe they will. Just because something as always been a certain way does not mean it always has to be. Hope, Love, Live.
And like one of my best friends told me," Don't be sorry. Just be happy."
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