"My aim is to put down on paper what I see and what I feel in the best and simplest way." -Ernest Hemingway
Yesterday in church we had the oppurtunity to listen to our bishopric's wives for a combined Relief Society and Preisthood meeting. What they spoke about is something I have been thinking about for quite sometime. Unfulfilled expectations.
There are all kinds of plans. Plans parents make for their children, plans for a vacation, plans for college, plans for a career, plans for a family, plans for a wonderful family dinner and all of these plans come down to one thing. We make plans because we have expectations, hopes, dreams, and goals. We want life to meet our expectations so we make plans. And then God smiles. He knows us better than we do. Heavenly Father knows what we need.
I thought I would be married at this point, I thought I was going to do Graphic Design for my degree, I thought I would finish up at BYU-Idaho and now I'm realizing apparently thats not the plan for me. I used to ask why me a lot. For everything. I have a huge list that could be endless from my health to my dating life. I didn't understand, I had righteous desires but life was pushing me in another direction. Which is hard when I want everything to go exactly as I envision it (a terrible flaw at that).
One day, I really can't remember when but it may have been when I was talking to my dad and mom, I realized I had a choice. My parents, being people who understand how hard it can be when a brain is against you and it seems like the world is against you too, asked me if I really wanted to be miserable. I realized I had to be okay with what was going on with my life. I had to be okay that I had a mental illness and a disorder. I had to be okay that hoshimoto's and the new chronic pain would change my life. I had to be okay with the fact that I don't get asked out on dates. I had to be okay that I'm not married yet and it could be several years down the road before it happens. And its all going to be okay. I will be okay. Even if not all my expectations are not met I'm going to be okay. When days get hard and I'm having a tough time believing in myself and abilities and the future I just have to believe. Even if I don't have the faith I start out believing. I believe I'm going to be okay and its going to be okay if I have unfulfilled expectations.
We may be disappointed when things don't go our way its okay. Its just means that there is something greater in store for you. Something more spectacular than anything you can actually imagine. Within our unfulfilled expectations we can find greater blessings of our Heavenly Father shaping us, trimming us, molding us, improving us beyond what we could imagine.
I have found many things to be happy about even though my expectations of my life have changed and have been thrown into the back burner. For one I'm more appreciate of the atonement everyday because it covers my pain and grief. I've been able to able other people with their own problems. I've grown in my relationships with my parents and siblings. Most importantly I've learned a lot about myself. For me it was knowing that Heavenly Father still loves me even though He doesn't answer my prayers the way I want them to be answered.
Whether you are woman trying to get pregnant, adoption doesn't go the way you want, you fail a class that a roommate did well in, you didn't make the sports team, you didn't get that job you were hoping for, you aren't dating as much as you would like, you're a guy and the girls turn you down or anything in life just seems to be going wrong don't give up just yet. Heavenly Father has amazing things in store for you. Even if your faith isn't big rely on what you have. It will grow. Believe in good things to come because they are coming.
I'm probably the most impatient person when it comes to helping myself. I get mad when things don't go the way I planned, I blame myself for things not going right. And its pretty hard living with someone thats not on your side. Trust me I've been doing it for 21 and 1/2 years and its rough. I've just come to believe when things don't go as planned its just God nudging me to a better path, better future. And it has come down I just have to have faith in the future. Faith in my Heavenly Father. Faith that everything is going to be okay. Good things are coming. There is goodness around us. Heavenly Father is waiting to help us, just a matter of having faith in Him. We are shaped by our unfulfilled expectations. We learn to readjust and grow not only as human beings but also in our faith.
Everything is going to be okay if we follow our faith and do what we need to do. Make the choice to be happy and okay with your situation, no matter how hard it is. Its worth it. I've had some dark moments and never thought I could come out of it but as soon as I made the choice to be okay with it things seemed to get better. Things got better when my attitude got better.
God has a plan for each of us. It may not be what we have in mind but its the best for us. God loves us so much He wants to help us become the best we can be. Be happy you are a live and thats a pretty remarkable thing when you think about it!
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