Vienna

Sometimes I wish to just snap my fingers and the things I don't like about myself would just be fixed. My spastic brain that will be fine one moment but then I worry will start and I just spiral down that path. Or I wish I was more boy smart, knew how to have a poker face, knew how to be a little more charismatic, irresistible, be more winsome to say. Sometimes I wish I was that girl that didn't worry so much about everything going on in my life.

I wish I wasn't a nervous wreck most days, I wish I didn't want everything to happen right when I wanted it to. I don't want to get a head of myself. But I do and tend to road block myself. I wish I could just relax and turn my brain off. Be easier on myself and see the times that I was right and not just focus on the times that I was wrong and royally screwed up.

I know that I am a flawed person stitched with good intention and I keep trying everyday. At least I haven't just decided to quit trying. But I want to turn my trying into striving. I guess its back to the good ol' drawing board, striving to rediscover myself and my love for life. It seemed to escape me last year.

So today I'm going to listen to this song all day. Sometimes you just need to feel sad because you keep screwing up and then just let it go the next day.  It seems to work for me most days. And I'm sure I'll listen any other song that is related. Maybe I'll eat some ice cream, or some bacon; bacon tastes good.