I see my plan for my life turning upside down. It almost feels like it is falling apart. I don't mean to talk about the hard things of life but this blog is for me to write down my thoughts show that life isn't perfect. I'm not trying to complain or say poor me. Its my coping I guess. a way of not letting it build up inside. Its me being honest and real.
I've been crying a lot. By a lot I mean I cry at least once a day. I cry because my body aches for no reason and the pain gets progressively worse everyday. I cry because I can't get comfortable I cry because I fill like nobody understands what I'm feeling and they just don't know how to help me. I cry because I'm scared I don't know what the future holds for me. I cry because its happening right now, a extremely busy time in my life. I cry because this could change my future as a mother and a wife. Most the time I just start crying when I'm on the phone with my mom. Its usually when I no longer have the energy to show a brave face.
For the past week. I've been quite kept to myself and tried to make it appear like I'm okay. I'm screaming inside every morning I wake up and try to get out of bed. I want to cry every time I have a hard time opening doors, or, trying to open a container of leftovers, or trying to hold a cup, or trying to type on the computer (I've been writing this in breaks). Everything is stiff and doesn't want to move. I still remain quite while remaining to be strong. My mom comments that she thought I was doing okay when I went to see the doctor but she knows better. She knows I'm trying to be strong for myself. Trying to not to rely on others.
Until now I thought I had my life figured out. I thought of myself graduating from college soon. Trying to get a job as a graphic designer anywhere possible. I thought of myself becoming more independent and not relying on my parents at all. I had dreams I would have found love by know. I had a lot of things planned out. For the longest time I prayed and considered going on a mission. Almost a year later I'm understanding why I wasn't supposed to. I feel lost and of course this is a time that my over thinking does not come in handy.
I don't know why this is happening at this point and time in my life. I don't know why it had to happen to me. But all I can do is have faith and believe everything will be okay. Its moments like this that I'm grateful I have the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life. So if you see me give me a gentle hug (just cause the movement hurts and people touching me hurts) because I need it.
I've been crying a lot. By a lot I mean I cry at least once a day. I cry because my body aches for no reason and the pain gets progressively worse everyday. I cry because I can't get comfortable I cry because I fill like nobody understands what I'm feeling and they just don't know how to help me. I cry because I'm scared I don't know what the future holds for me. I cry because its happening right now, a extremely busy time in my life. I cry because this could change my future as a mother and a wife. Most the time I just start crying when I'm on the phone with my mom. Its usually when I no longer have the energy to show a brave face.
For the past week. I've been quite kept to myself and tried to make it appear like I'm okay. I'm screaming inside every morning I wake up and try to get out of bed. I want to cry every time I have a hard time opening doors, or, trying to open a container of leftovers, or trying to hold a cup, or trying to type on the computer (I've been writing this in breaks). Everything is stiff and doesn't want to move. I still remain quite while remaining to be strong. My mom comments that she thought I was doing okay when I went to see the doctor but she knows better. She knows I'm trying to be strong for myself. Trying to not to rely on others.
Until now I thought I had my life figured out. I thought of myself graduating from college soon. Trying to get a job as a graphic designer anywhere possible. I thought of myself becoming more independent and not relying on my parents at all. I had dreams I would have found love by know. I had a lot of things planned out. For the longest time I prayed and considered going on a mission. Almost a year later I'm understanding why I wasn't supposed to. I feel lost and of course this is a time that my over thinking does not come in handy.
I don't know why this is happening at this point and time in my life. I don't know why it had to happen to me. But all I can do is have faith and believe everything will be okay. Its moments like this that I'm grateful I have the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life. So if you see me give me a gentle hug (just cause the movement hurts and people touching me hurts) because I need it.
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