Hard to Make Decisions

I was faced with a hard decision last week. Whether or not I should continue to pursue graphic design while I am at school. Was this new health problem a way of nudging me onto a better path.

I love graphic design. Going down the graphic design path brought me to my love of type and it brought me closer to my Heavenly Father because I was creating; creating just like him.  After taking my first graphic design class I knew it consumed time and that it created stress in my life.  But I loved it. I was solving problems creatively and doing something that I was so excited to learn about. Did I really want to give up doing Graphic Design as a career? I love it so much, why would I want to give up something I love.

I had been feeling that way for quite some time. It was unintentional and it was frustrating me. Then we get to spring 2013. I love my graphic design teacher and class. I’m learning a lot and it makes me excited for the future. Getting close to finishing up the first project and I have my first melt down. He wants me to retake all of my pictures. How was I going to do that  in two days and get enough sleep. With my Hoshimoto’s I need a good amount of rest.  And I stress about getting enough sleep all the time but this put me into overdrive. I had already been stressed out from my previous semester that had somehow carried over to this semester. I didn’t feel in control.  Everything started to change.

The pain started a Wednesday evening. I was trying to press forward in a class trying to get the homework. Before I got to my homework I went to a work activity because that’s basically my only time to really get to know the other people in the office. I’m in a separate department within the admissions office from most of the student employees. So my initial thought was,” Why the heck is this happening.” I’m doing pretty well (at least I thought) managing my time and getting homework done. I was taking some serious upper level classes, working, and trying to have some sort of a social life. Everything was just slipping through my fingers. I was stressing out because I’m so close to graduating (3 semesters left) and now I’m having doubts about my degree. Seems a little twisted if you ask me. And it really didn’t help that I was having a hard time focusing on my homework and trying to get around in my apartment.

So Thursday comes, I have a plan. I hope everything works out. I drop my graphic design class. I know it will be best for my health. My parents are supportive, friends understand, and have a bunch of people who have my back. I gotta say I’m very fortunate and blessed with the people I have in my life!

Graphic Design will still be apart of my life. I still want to design announcements. I still want to design period. So I won’t be able to do my Design Me Better project for a while. Its time for me to get my life realigned and design it a little better. Don’t worry; I would never kill graphic design out of my life.  It will be apart of me forever. I still will be critical of the announcements that come to my parents and myself.  I’ve come to realize graphic design is more fulfilling if I enjoy it and I’m not so stressed out about it.

I also want to help kids. Kids who have autism, bipolar disorder,  ADHD, depression, anything and everything. I was once a kid that felt misunderstood and didn’t understand why I felt different for a long time. Sometimes to this day I still feel misunderstood and judged because I think differently. When I was a kid I thought it was my fault that people treated me differently. I got older found out I had ADD and anxiety; my reasons for feeling different were found but I still felt different. 

And then I met with a counselor, when I was in the 9^th grade,  for a couple of months that really helped me understand I could make the choice to not be upset. People just don't understand and I can't expect them to change. I want to help kids understand that the way people treat them is only because those people don’t understand.  Understand that the child thinks differently and was made differently. Isn’t it kind of annoying that we live in a cultural that’s all about being different but if you have you can’t help thinking different turns you into a problem. I hate the stigmas about mental health. But I’m grateful I don’t live in a time where people would say I’m possessed because I have ADD or depression.  It is getting better but frankly we live in an age of being accepting we could do better.

So my life is changing in a lot of ways I did not expect. I’m probably not returning to Rexburg in the fall. I’m changing my blog if you couldn’t tell. I’m changing my attitude. I’m also making some lifestyle changes. Reducing stress because it could be related to the chronic pain I am experiencing.  So I’m going after new dreams and keeping old ones alive. Sometimes we do need to go down a certain path and find ourselves at point where we can keep going down that path or realize that there is a better (but not easier than the one you are on) path that will help more than we think.